Feeling real groggy at times? Sinus problems? Stomach problems? Look what I found out!

I couldn't believe what I found out about this med and have to share it with you all.  First, some background though.  I've been having a LOT of trouble with my sinuses sine last November. I've had sinus problems all my life, but this was worse then anything I'd had before and I couldn't understand why.  I'd recently finished taking 20 days worth of antibiotics to try and clear up what even the doctors assumed was a sinus infection as they didn't want it to go into my lungs.  The antibiotics really messed up my stomach which wasn't the greatest anyway.  Well, after I stopped taking the antibiotics, I figured my tummy would start to get better, and it did, but some days it would get really bad again instead of steadily improving like it should have.  I finally decided that I'd better check my meds because something had to be causing this problem with my stomach.  

The only one I'd been taking recently that I normally don't, was Ambien (zolpidem).  It's a sleeping pill and I was taking it because due to all the storms here I'd been having to take morphine late in the day and that keeps me from going to sleep at night.

Well, lo and behold, it was the Ambien! I won't take it now, no matter what and my stomach is finally improving. But that's not all I discovered about it.  Look at this:

Common zolpidem side effects may include:

• daytime drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, feeling "drugged" or light-headed;
  
• tired feeling, loss of coordination;
  
• stuffy nose, dry mouth, nose or throat irritation;
  
• nausea, constipation, diarrhea, upset stomach; or
  
• headache, muscle pain.
  

 more:
http://www.drugs.com/zolpidem.html 

• Drowsiness
• headache
• muscle aches
• sleepiness or unusual drowsiness
• stuffy or runny nose

• Abdominal or stomach discomfort
• acid or sour stomach
• back pain
• being forgetful
• belching
• body aches or pain
• congestion

• difficulty having a bowel movement (stool)
•  heartburn
•  indigestion
•  unusual drowsiness, dullness, tiredness, weakness, or feeling of sluggishness
• loss of memory
• muscle pain or stiffness

 more:
http://www.drugs.com/sfx/zolpidem-side-effects.html

I was shocked!  Every single symptom I've been having problems with over the last several months is listed there and I know I've heard some of you say you had some of the same symptoms too!  It looks as though all the sinus problems I've been having and all the stomach problems, as well as the grogginess were being caused by this medication!  

Those are also all symptoms of RA, and while I know I did in fact have a flare up, it just kept getting worse instead of better.  Now I know why, it's because I kept taking that stupid Ambien.  Well at this point, I'd rather not sleep then deal with all those problems!  It's been only 3 days since I stopped taking the Ambien and I feel MUCH better already. I'm in pain, yes, but then I've been in pain for 14 years so I didn't expect that to stop as nice as it would be lol, but my stomach is finally improving, and yesterday for the first time in months, I didn't feel like I had to take a mucinex for my sinuses and don't feel I need one today either.  Nor have I had a headache since I stopped taking it, whereas before I was constantly getting them. My memory has even improved in the short time I've been off it.  For the first time in ages I'd begun taking a stool softener daily due to constipation because that had gotten worse then it's ever been, even though I also have IBS.  I haven't stopped taking them yet, but intend to do so soon as I have a feeling that the worsening of the constipation I've been experiencing has also been caused by the Ambien. 

I just had to let you all know about this in case any of you are also taking Ambien (zolpidem) or even a different prescription sleeping aid.  If you're not taking ambien but are taking a different one, I strongly suggest you look up the side effects like I did, on Drugs.com and check out both the main page about the drug and then at the end of the list of side effects on that page, click on the link that takes you to a more detailed listing of them and check that one too.  You might just find that it's very similar if not identical to Ambien's list.

Being a Burden

Being a Burden

If you hear yourself say, or think, “I am such a burden,” you are in danger.  Your mind will go to dark places, and you begin to develop immunity to the encouragement of other people and and even scripture. You won't believe others when they tell you that you're not a burden. After awhile, nothing anyone can say or do will convince you otherwise.  

Those of us who live with pain have to be extra careful about what we allow ourselves to think and dwell on. We have to remember that the Lord has planted us where we are, and expects us to bloom where we've been planted; not shrivel up and die.

I remember when I first had that thought pop into my mind.  I was of course, feeling sorry for myself at the time. I had forgotten what a huge pit we fall into when self pity enters the picture.  Thankfully for me, having experienced that before, I recognized it and quickly turned to the Lord and His Truth and went to battle.  I knew that I was fighting a spiritual battle, not a worldly one, and the only way to deal with that is the way our Lord did - with His Word.  I asked the Lord for help, as that's always the first thing to do, and He immediately replied.  In my heart I realized that I wasn't really feeling like I was a burden but rather reacting to the fact that I hated needing help period.  Yes, truthfully, I was thinking of myself, not others. 

Most of us hate needing help.  After all, the world has taught us to be independent. They often quote the "God helps those who help themselves" not realizing that that isn't anywhere in the bible and is in fact the total opposite of what God tells us.  God doesn't want us to be independent.  He wants us to rely on Him and on other members of the body of Christ.  Plus, He wants us to rely on Him and the body ALL the time, not just in times of crisis.  That's really rare to see today though because it takes a lot of commitment both to the Lord and to the Body of Christ.  

One of the first places the Lord asks us to practice this dependence is in our families, even when some members aren't saved. He showed me in His Word how He blesses those people who help others, and actually has special rewards for them in heaven. When I saw that, I realized that by not asking for help, I was keeping people from having the chance to get those rewards.  Now that was sure a whole different way of looking at it!  Not that any one can earn their salvation.  We know that's not true.  But we can earn rewards and the Lord wants us to strive for those rewards.  So I wasn't helping them or myself by trying to remain independent and not ask for help!  

He also reminded me that He uses the various situations we're in to help us grow in our faith.  I think we're all aware of that, but what I wasn't looking at was that He would use the fact that I needed others to help me to grow those others faith too.  So I was also denying them an opportunity to grow when I didn't ask for or accept help from others.  Even worse, as I came to find out, by refusing help in the past, and saying things like, "it's ok, I can do it" or whatever, other people began to be afraid to offer to help because they knew that at best I'd turn it down, and at worst, I might get upset with them..

Part of the problem with needing help is that it tends to make us feel useless.  That again is another one of Satan's lies though.  We have to remember we're at war and those of us who live with pain are often on the front lines. You and I are far from useless! The Lord has a purpose for us, and we can be sure that purpose will bring Him glory.  The problem again is that we tend to still think the way the world does, in that we think that useful people are those who can "do" things, which we can't do anymore.  But, if we're honest with ourselves, even if our bodies were completely paralyzed, and we couldn't move at all, we'd still be able to do the most important things Jesus asks of us.  The main thing that our Lord constantly spoke about was loving God and loving others, wasn't it?  

There is nothing at all stopping us from doing that.  In fact, because we've been wounded, we can probably love better then many other people can!  No matter how much pain we're in or how sick we are, we can still tell someone we love them.  We can still let them know we care.  We can still sit or even lay on the couch and just listen while they tell us their troubles.  How often people long for someone to do those two things and it never comes to pass, and yet we can do those things all day long! And those are two things the Lord wants us to do above all.  Another thing we can always do is pray for others.  We can pray aloud for them when they're with us, or just silently when we're alone and prayer is one of the most powerful weapons we have. 

Jesus said, I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:15)  That means that we are guaranteed to bear fruit for the Lord as we rest in Him and love others in His name. You see, our job isn't to be worry about being a burden to others, it's to love them, and to love them the way Jesus loved us. That's one reason that praying for them is always a good place to start. The more love we show toward others, the better we're going to feel about ourselves and others.  

Another thing we can do is give thanks no matter what's going on.  I don't mean that we should necessarily give thanks for our pain, but rather we can give thanks for God's help and our salvation if nothing else.  For God says, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 —give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. * 

Paul knew what it was like to need help too, and he knew all about being in pain, yet listen to what he tells us:  2 Corinthians 12:9 —But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. * Yes, my friends, we're weak, we need help, so let's be like Paul and boast in our weakness and let God's power shine through our lives!

It's also God's will for us that we each be sanctified (1 Thessalonians 4:3) and we are sanctified by His Truth -His Word is Truth. (John 17:17) which means simply that we need to spend time daily in His Word so we'll be able to stand firm against Satan's attacks as well as the attacks of the world and our flesh.  That's how Jesus fought back and that's the way we need to as well.  We can't do that if we don't know His Word though and if we haven't been renewed with it daily.  Once again, even in pain we can still read our bibles, no one can stop us from doing that, and we can still talk to the Lord and think about Him and His Word during the day.

See, when we start thinking we're a burden, we're feeling useless because the world has taught us that our identity is tied up with what we do, but that again isn't true.  We are no longer part of the world.  Our identity is in Christ, not the world!  And you can't get any better identity then to identify with the very Son of the One True God!  The world also tells us that we get our identity from what others say about it, but as for us, our identity comes from what God says about us!  He says we're clean by the Word He spoke to us.  He says we're forgiven and dearly loved by Him. He says that He will complete the work He's begun in us and that we have nothing at all to worry about.  Finally,He says that as long as we remain in a close relationship with Him, that He guarantees that we will produce plenty of fruit for God's Kingdom; fruit we produce just by loving Him and loving others the way He loves us.  It just doesn't get any better then that!  Lastly, the world tells us that our behavior tells us what to believe about ourselves, but God tells us that our thoughts determine our behavior and that we can be in control of our thoughts. Not only that we can be in control of them, but that we are supposed to be in control of them!

Our belief that we're a burden won't leave on its own. We need a counter-offensive. We need to remind ourselves what God says about us and that we're exactly where we need to be right now.  We need to start loving and remembering that God loves us and will help us every day. Yes, we're weak, so let's rejoice in our weakness for that's when God's strength and power are made perfect and can shine through us to the world!  Let's stand firm together against that idea that we're a burden and remind ourselves and each other that we are sons and daughters of God, specifically chosen by Him, and made new by Him, and that He continues to work in us and in our lives every single day.

God's lesson for us

I actually posted this last September, but wanted to copy it here for us.   I woke up at 1am due to pain and have been studying since then. I was just studying from where I'd left off in Genesis, reading about Joseph and Jacob, who was about 147 years old at this point in the story, and was surprised when I saw this message from the Lord to us and wanted to share it with you guys. First let me show you the scripture this is about:

Genesis 48:1–4 — Some time later Joseph was told, “Your father is ill.” So he took his two sons Manasseh and Ephraim along with him. *2 * When Jacob was told, “Your son Joseph has come to you,” Israel rallied his strength and sat up on the bed. *3 * Jacob said to Joseph, “God Almighty appeared to me at Luz in the land of Canaan, and there he blessed me *4 * and said to me, ‘I am going to make you fruitful and will increase your numbers. I will make you a community of peoples, and I will give this land as an everlasting possession to your descendants after you.’

Notice Genesis 48:3. When he had gotten to the very end, he called his son Joseph to his bedside, and the first words out of his mouth were “God Almighty.” He then proceeded to recount the blessings and promises of God. And again, this is instructive, because it is (sadly!) so different from how most people operate.

What do most people talk about when they are lying sick in the hospital bed? They talk about their sickness—the treatments, the medicines, the pain, the doctors, and so on! You go to visit them and it is as though there is nothing happening in the universe besides their sickness. You read the Bible to them, and they go right back to talking about their sickness. You ask about their family, and they use it as an opportunity to get back to bemoaning their sickness.

But, as Christians, we have something altogether more hopeful and more important to talk about! Namely, “God Almighty,” and what great things he has done for us! So both in his burial request and in his last conversation with Joseph, Jacob was using the last moments of his life to remind his family of their commitments to God! That is why he was buried where he was buried, and why he spoke the way he spoke—so that he might give one last testimony to encourage his sons to follow the LORD with all their hearts! Jacob’s desire to give a final testimony is also the reason why he called in Joseph’s sons (48:8–22)—and eventually brought together all of his children (ch. 49)—to pronounce God’s blessings upon them. What a beautiful way for Jacob to die!

You see, the key to Jacob’s happy ending was not mainly that he was happy. That was most obvious. He was thrilled to have his whole family together again. But that is not what was most important. What was important was that he finished his life in an all-out sprint, serving the Lord. Murmuring had been replaced with praise. Accusations had been replaced with blessings. Passivity and reclusiveness had been replaced with action. And fear had been replaced with faith (46:4)!

Strassner, K. (2009). Opening up Genesis. Opening Up Commentary

I've known a lot of people like the author is describing...people that just have to tell you all about their aches and pains, every gory detail of their surgeries, what this doctor said that was horrible and what that doctor did that caused them yet more pain, how close to death they are or have been, how no one helps them or spends time with them, etc. It's all they really talk about and it's obviously the most important thing in the world to them. They miss out on all the blessings God gives them because they're so focused on their pain and illness. It's really sad and not at all what the Lord wants for them.

It would certainly be easy for us to fall into this type of trap because it is so hard to live with constant pain. For me this was a very good reminder not only to not become like this, but also to keep my focus off myself and on our Lord, the Almighty God. I know from experience that when I do that, I wind up noticing His blessings more then my pain. And no matter how badly I hurt or feel, or how "unloved" or "unappreciated" I feel, when my focus is on the Lord, I realize that the opposite is really true, for He loves me unconditionally and He appreciates every little thing I do or even try to do and is always encouraging me and helping me. So just as a reminder to myself, I've written "Keep your focus on God, not on yourself or the pain; talk to Him and about Him all the time" and have it displayed where I can always see it.

Once again we're shown that God's ways are the opposite of the world's ways. The world says, think of yourself, demand better for yourself; while God says to think of Him first, then others and to be thankful and grateful for all things, even pain and illness.

Psalm 63:3 —Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. *

Colossians 3:17 —And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. *

Romans 12:12 —Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. *

1 Thessalonians 5:16–18—Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Accepting our pain

I actually wrote this on July 22nd, 2013, but wanted to copy it to the blog as it's important to me.

The Lord showed me something this morning that's really changed how I view the pain I'm in, my "condition", and, well, everything!   In explanation, the first thing I do in the morning when I get up is open my bible library. It opens to a "home page' which changes daily and looks similar to a newspaper. It has excerpts of scriptures, excerpts from commentaries, dictionaries, etc. I can click on anything and be taken to the rest of it and am able to view bibles and commentaries (or whatever) side by side.
 

I woke up in great pain this morning, as usual of course. You all know what I've been going through physically with the pain and trying to find a way out of it basically....something that will work, and how this last thing tried also backfired on me.

So I sat down and the first thing the Lord placed before my eyes this morning was from Genesis 3:6 where Eve "desired" the apple. He showed me that to desire something other then Him so strongly was a sin. In my commentary next to that, this was highlighted: The word for desirable (neḥmāḏ, Genesis 3:6) is related to a word that appears later in the command, “You shall not covet” (ṯaḥmōḏ, Ex. 20:17). I knew that already, but I'd never related it to how I felt physically before. Since that was the main thing in my mind when I woke up, that's immediately what I applied it too, and I was ashamed to realize that I had been sinning. I think partly it's because I'm used to thinking of coveting in this sense as coveting something "other then" God, or "instead of" God, instead of just plain coveting something. And I have to admit that I have indeed coveted/desired being without pain.

You know from what I've written in the pain forum, that, like many, what I've been focused on has been to get out of pain, to stop or overcome the pain somehow. It was all I "desired", and I desired it with all of me. I was just totally shocked when I saw this, because right next to it, was another verse that we know well: Philippians 4:11 —I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. * I was stunned! I'd never related that verse to what I perceived as my health before.

After reflecting on that for a bit and talking to the Lord about it and of course repenting of my sin, in a kind of dazed state, I decided to begin my devotional time with Him as I usually do, by praising Him with one of the Psalms of praise, only to discover that He wasn't done with the conversation yet. I have the praise psalms listed in order in my bible library and always have the one for that day already open when my bible library opens. Today's was Psalm 23 ... The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want!

I talked to the Lord then some more about what He was showing me of course and at that point, He led me back and had me read further here, only adding a couple more verses: Philippians 4:11–13 —I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. *I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. *I can do everything through him who gives me strength. *

I kept thinking about Paul and the amount of physical pain he must have often been in with all the severe beatings he'd had, and yet we never read of him whining about his physical condition, even though the people he wrote to had to also have known about his physical pain. Instead, he says, he's "content" and constantly is telling us to "rejoice". I looked up the word in the original language for "painful" in 1 Peter 4:12 —Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. *and this is what it says: the experience of painful suffering—‘to suffer pain, to experience severe suffering, painful suffering.’

Well, that certainly seems to describe how my body feels I'm not suggesting we shouldn't seek medical help for our conditions or that we shouldn't take medicine, or anything else. No, to me, this is all about attitude. Personally, I do feel sure that I'm to "accept" the pain I'm in, mentally and emotionally, knowing I can bear it through Him and that He will provide for my every need and work this out for His glory and my good.

I want to add here that the Lord teaches us that He is in control and that He puts each of us right where He wants us. Nothing happens to us that is outside His control.  He also says in  Psalm 16:5 —Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. * In Deuteronomy 10:9, we're shown that the Levites, the priests, were not given any inheritance like the rest of Israel were.  Instead, God told them that He was to be their inheritance. In the NT, God tells us that now we are His priests and He is our inheritance.  After all, the bible defines eternal life as getting to know the Lord better and better. (John 17:3) So,like David we can say, Psalm 73:26 —My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. * Interestingly, guess what scriptures are cross referenced to that? Revelation 21:3–4 —And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. *He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” *

Like Jesus told us, in this life, we will have tribulation and that includes physical pain for some of us.  If we allow Him to, the Lord will use the pain to make us more like Him, to make us into the men and women He created us to be.  It's our choice though.  We can cooperate with Him or we can fight against it. The only thing that fighting against it will change though is to make matters worse for ourselves. We need to remember that we're told: Acts 14:22 —...“We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said. * But also we're told that no hardship will ever separate us from Christ, and that it's in the hardships that Christ's power and strength are made perfect in our weakness. (Rom 8:35; 2 Corinthians 12:9–10) . We're told several times to endure the hardships and to know that we will be rewarded for it if we go through them with the attitude of Christ, instead of the world's attitude which is to try and manipulate things so that we don't have to go through it. 

We're to entrust ourselves to the Father, offering our bodies as a living sacrifice to Him.  For others this may mean something entirely different then it means to us.  For us this means pain and all that the pain brings with it.  It's not easy being a living sacrifice is it?  But then the Lord never, ever said it would be.  What He said was that it would be worth it, and because He said it, I believe it.  So let's always remember that along with our bodies we also need to offer up the sacrifice of praise, remembering to rejoice always.  We aren't rejoicing in the pain, we're rejoicing in Him, because He belongs to us and we belong to Him.  He's given us a great privilege...may we prove worthy of it with His help.

May God who's able to make all grace abound to us, so that in all things, and at all times, we have all that we need to abound in every good work for Him! (2 Corinthians 9:8; Philippians 4:19) 

It's such a relief to have you guys to talk to!

It's such a relief to have others that I know really do understand. People I don't have to "pretend" to. Well, pretend isn't the right word but I don't know what else to call it. Like when one of my kids or a friend or neighbor calls and wakes me up at 11am or 2pm or 5pm or all of the above and tries to give me advice when they don't have a clue what's causing it, even though I've told them before. Or when I'm in so much pain that I simply can't talk, I can't carry on a conversation, and they think I'm being rude or that I'm not interested in them or something.

Or then there's the friends who always have to try and "one up" you. You know what I mean? They'll ask how you are and actually want specifics, but if you say you're having trouble walking that day, then they'll explain how once they had so much trouble walking that they fell down twice. I've often wondered what they'd say if I told them I accidentally cut one of my fingers completely off because my hands were shaking so badly...just to see what part of their body they'd tell me they lost.

Or then there's the ones who call you up to complain about their headache, which is starting to get better now that they took some tylenol. And the ones who call because they just heard about the perfect "cure" for you. All you have to do is drink this juice, eat that kind of veggie or fruit or berry or something, and you'll be all better. No more pain! And they can bring you some right now if you want... They just don't get it when you say, no... "what do you mean you don't want any...don't you want to get better????

I shouldn't be like that I know,  they probably just don't know what else to talk about with people like us. It's rare to find a person who doesn't live with pain themselves that can just be themselves and accept you as you are without demanding that you be able to meet their expectations somehow.

So that's why I'm so very, very glad I've got you guys! With you guys I can just be me. I can rant and rave, cry, throw a tantrum, laugh, get excited or whatever. I can tell the truth in here: I can tell you that I'm in a lot of pain and know that you understand that I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just stating facts. It's just life, that's all. No more, no less. Thank you for being here for me and for each other.

I honestly believe that it's really important for us to have each other and that God Himself arranged for each of us to be here for each other. Here we can mourn with each other, rejoice with each other, carry each others burdens and encourage each other, for we are all members of the same body, the body of Christ. It seems like every time we post to each other, it's as though the Lord is also posting with us and that's pretty neat!



2 Corinthians 1:3–4 —Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, *who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. *

Romans 12:5 —so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. *

1 Corinthians 12:26 —If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. *

Galatians 6:2 —Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. *

I know I should go to bed, but...

You know, from the time we're very little, we're taught by pain not to do things. We learn very quickly that if something hurts we shouldn't do that right? You reach for the pretty fire and your mom or dad smacks your hand. You don't do it again - not if you're smart. If you're not smart you do it again anyway and that pretty fire burns you and then you won't do it again for sure! You get stung by a bee once and you know for sure you don't want that to happen again and you do your best to avoid it. It's the same with anything else that hurts bad enough. You don't want a repeat performance. Well, at 57, that's pretty well ingrained in me now. Only now it's working against me because it's past my bedtime, but I don't want to go to bed because I know what's waiting for me there: pain, and lots of it. I'm not interested. Don't want to deal with it.

Yeah, I'm tired. I know I need to go to sleep. but I also know that within an hour of going to sleep, I'm going to wake up in severe pain. If I then get up and deal with the pain and get it taken care of and go back to bed, I'll then wake up again a little later again in severe pain. This will just continue in a vicious circle until I finally give up and just stay up. OR sometimes, if I'm lucky and time it right, I can manage to stay up all night and avoid the worst of the pain and then go to bed and sleep when everyone else is getting up. Because by then, I should be so totally exhausted that the pain won't wake me up until I've had a good 4 hours of sleep or so at least. But that doesn't usually work until I've had less then 2 hours sleep for a couple of nights in a row beforehand.

So, tonight, I'm rebelling. I'm not going to bed. Not until I don't have any other choice.

God closed the door

I bet we've all prayed at one time or another that if something we were planning or wanting was not His Will, that He would close the door before us and open the door He wanted us to go through. I know I've prayed that many times in the past, have you?

As I was studying this morning, the Lord reminded me that this life of pain that I live now is where He has planted me and that I'm to bloom right here and stop trying to force open doors He has closed. Instead of whining that I can't get out and do things I used to do, I should be making the best use of what I can do. I know that the Lord is in control and that if I'm unable to work, unable to do the things I used to do for fun with my family, am unable to meet new people or even see old friends, etc., that even if I can't figure out what it is, the Lord does in fact have work for me to do right here and now.

The Lord tells us we are to bear fruit for His Kingdom and He will always help and enable us to do just that. Even though the Lord has closed many doors to us, there are other doors that are wide open and those are the doors we must walk through. Our pain and illness can't stop us from praying or reading His Word or applying it to our lives. It can't stop us from loving others. While we may be limited in how we can show that love, our hearts aren't limited. Our pain and illness can't stop us from forgiving others who have hurt us, let us down, betrayed us or spitefully used us. Our pain and illness can't stop us from learning to be content, even in the midst of our pain, and it can't stop us from praising God for giving us the opportunity to deny ourselves and live for Him instead.

I don't know about you, but I've always been pretty stubborn. The easiest way for my mom to get me to do something was to tell me that I couldn't do it. I have learned of course that stubbornness is most often a sin, but also realized that I could use it to help me grow too. We know that being saved doesn't magically give us some kind of immunity to trials, problems and trouble in our lives because the Lord told us that we'd always have these things. What it does give us though is the satisfaction of knowing that when we are going through a hard time, like having to live with pain, that it's going to work for us and not against us. That's a pretty big difference when you think about it! On top of that, we also know that the Lord will be with us every second of every day, to help us, comfort us, encourage us, teach us and guide us. Then when we finally lay down these bodies of pain, He will reward us for every moment we were able to cooperate with the work He was doing in us through that pain. He will reward us for persevering with what we could do, going through the open doors instead of whining over the doors that were closed and He will share His glory with us!

I've come to realize over the years that the Lord has not "afflicted me" but instead has given me a very great privilege! By giving me this life of pain, He's offered me the opportunity to have a closer, deeper, more personal relationship with Him then most people ever will, because they're so busy with this life - just as I would have been had pain not entered the picture. Living with pain has taught me to love and appreciate Him more then I ever would have before and to long for Him and for Heaven, my real home, more then I ever would have before. Think of it...if everything is fine in this life, why would we long for heaven? We wouldn't! Instead, we'd want to be part of this world and we'd want to live here always. God in His mercy has shown us though that His ways are better and Heaven is more fantastic then we can ever begin to imagine!

I used to be a very prideful person. I was very proud of all that I did etc, but the Lord used this pain to humble me and now uses it to keep me humble. I used to rely on myself for everything and now I have to rely on the Lord to get through every day. Praise God! I think we can all probably relate to a lot of this.

But the one thing I have to keep reminding myself of is that with this pain, God has also given us an opportunity to allow Him to display His Power in our lives! (John 9:3) Every moment of every day, we have that opportunity unlike most of our brothers and sisters in Christ. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves, give in to the pain, or we can keep on relying on Him and doing those things He's given us to do. Whether it's just reflecting on His Word, praying for others, smiling through our pain, allowing someone else the opportunity to serve God by helping us -being the receiver so someone else can be blessed by being the giver; encouraging others who are going through a hard time or who are living with pain as well, or whatever door He may have opened to us that day. The more I think about it, the more amazed I am at the amazing opportunity the Lord has given me. I used to think I had few choices and now, because of the pain, I see that I'm constantly making choices every moment of every day... choosing to have my life reflect His love or have it reflect this pain.

John 9:3 —“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. *

Romans 5:3–5 —Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; *perseverance, character; and character, hope. *And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. *

Romans 8:17–18 —Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. *I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. *