My whole life was suddenly gone

So many of us have been going through such hard times, that I thought it might help others if I shared my experiences and what the Lord taught me when I first began to go through a very hard time myself after being saved. I hope my experience and more importantly, what the Lord taught me then, will help someone else.

When I was first diagnosed and told I couldn't work anymore, I was devastated. My whole life was suddenly gone. What made it worse for me too was that out of 5 kids, they had all grown up and I only had the last one still at home and she was just about ready to fly on her own. So I was dealing with that empty nest syndrome too.

I quickly discovered that I had defined myself by what I did: being a mom, working every day in health care and being the best in my field, taking karate and going for my black belt, being active at church, etc. The Lord quickly showed me that these things weren't "me". Took me a long time to buy it though . I felt like I was totally useless and might as well be dead. I was no good to anyone, so I thought. I wasn't needed as a "Mom" anymore; I couldn't do my job, in fact, I was more like my patients then like the aide I was, so that part of me was now dead too. I couldn't do karate anymore, which for me had been great fun. I never laughed so much or had such a good time doing anything as I did there, and I was pretty good at it too and now I couldn't do any of it. It felt like all the joy was gone from my life. I still had church, but found that I was either in so much pain that it made concentrating hard, or if I took my medicine, I was nodding off during the sermon which was really embarrassing.

I really wanted to work though, at something...anything! There was just no way we could pay our bills with only one paycheck coming in. My job was not only fulfilling to me, it was necessary as it helped considerably to pay the bills. Without my check, it couldn't be done. (or so I thought anyway) I was scared to death! We didn't have much, but I sure didn't want to lose what little we did have and I most certainly didn't want to have to live on the streets and that's exactly where I thought we were heading.

But, The Lord Himself told me He didn't want me working! I still tried a bunch of times though because I had to have that pay check & I needed to "do" something. Every time I tried to work though, I failed. The doctor was right...I simply wasn't able to work anymore.

Slowly all my so called friends dropped out of my life, so I didn't have anyone to talk to either. Their lives were simply much to busy to bother with me much anymore. Slowly, the Lord spoke to me and I came to realize that who I am in Christ was much more important then who I was in the world. The Lord pointed out to me that no matter how much pain I was in there was still two things I could do and do well: Pray and teach Bible Studies.

So I joined my churches prayer team and the emergency prayer chain. I made lists of people I knew that I could pray for every day and began to do just that. LOL My list was humongous LOL; As I saturated myself in the Bible and prayer I began to feel better about me and about life. Oh I was still depressed, (I'm very stubborn LOL) but it was getting better.

I still kept trying to find a job I could do though, with no success. I was very lonely. Then one day I decided I was just going to go to every place in town that listed a job opening and apply for them regardless of what the job was. And that's exactly what I did. I got hired!!! I couldn't believe it! It was at a garage of all places too LOL So the guy hired me, takes me in his office to discuss pay and exactly what I'd be doing etc. He told me I'd be working at the counter. I asked him if there was a stool or something I could sit on and he said "No". Well, I knew there was just no way I could stand up for even an hour much less for 8 hours straight. Even if I wasn't doing anything else at all, I'd be in the emergency room before my first day was a third of the way over! He was still talking to me about what all my job would entail and now was saying that he'd pay me even more then he'd said in the ad.

But all I could hear in my head was this kind of "dead silence" of disapproval. It wasn't a "mean" silence; in fact it felt kind of sad. I knew it was the Lord. I also knew that I had to make a choice. Right then and there. It couldn't be put off anymore. I was either going to disobey the Lord and take this job (which would probably also be letting down this really nice guy because I knew I really wouldn't be able to do the job no matter how hard I tried to) Or, I was going to obey Him and tell this man that I couldn't take the job after all. (talk about humiliating!) Faced with that choice, now that it was "real and physical" instead of just a thought in my head, it only took a second to choose.

The man was still talking while this all went on in my head, and I suddenly burst into tears. I'm not talking about crying a little bit. I was sobbing like it was the end of the world. (well, to me it was the end of my world). That nice man came over and put his arm around me, handing me some Kleenex and told me "It's going to be OK". I knew something was bothering you, so you just let it all out and then you can tell me about it". Of course, that just made me cry harder Poor guy! When I could talk, I explained to him that I'd been hurt at work and that I really couldn't work anymore but I really wanted to, even though the Lord had told me He didn't want me to either. And that when he'd been talking, I knew that I had to choose whether or not to obey the Lord or to try and do the job anyway, even though I knew there was no way I could stand up that long etc. He just nodded as though there was nothing at all unusual in what I'd said and encouraged me to continue, so I told him that I chosen to obey the Lord. And that the Lord had also shown me that if I'd tried to do the job, I'd only have hurt him (the man I was talking to) because I wouldn't be able to do the job.

I don't remember what all the man said after that, except that he was very kind and obviously seemed to be on familiar terms with the Lord himself. I left there and went home and confessed my sin of continuing to try to work to the Lord. Had a nice long talk with Him then, confessing my fears that we wouldn't be able to pay our bills and that we'd have no place to live etc.

So you can understand just how completely devastating this money issue was to me, let me just say that I had lost everything I own, except for the clothes on my back and the clothes my children were wearing 3 times in my life. And I really do mean "everything". That happened quite a bit in my past, but more recently, about 4 years before I got hurt, I had again lost my home although that time I'd at least managed to keep most of my belongings. Each time it had been due to bad financial decisions and poor work habits on the part of my ex husband. Since the last time about 4 years earlier, since I was saved then, I decided to handle my money God's Way according to His Word. Losing everything each time did teach me that "things" aren't so important, but at the same time, security became very important to me, including "financial security".

So I confessed all of this to the Lord that day and had another good old fashioned cry on His shoulder.

As you can see, I was in pretty bad shape emotionally and felt very stressed out, depressed and confused. God said "don't work" but how were we supposed to pay the bills??? This is when the Lord began to teach me some very important and very basic lessons about just who was really in charge of this world, of me and of my life. First He showed me who I really was and it had nothing to do with being a mother, a wife, a good worker, karate, or anything else in my life. It had to do with Him.

As He showed me who I really was now that I was saved, I began to feel much better. He showed me many scriptures about this and I read them every day, sometimes several times a day, just letting them soak into my mind, my heart and my spirit until they became a part of me.
If you look back on what I said that I was focusing on as the things that defined myself, I'm sure you'll say that's pretty normal. Look at what I discovered though, keeping in mind that everything that's being said here also includes our finances--actually it includes every aspect of our lives: 

I hear people who seem to think that upon becoming a Christian their lives should have suddenly gotten "better", that they shouldn't have to deal with the regular every day problems, and trials like they were before. So their "faith" weakens because they assume that Jesus isn't "doing anything". The false teachers that preach the prosperity gospel and the so called healing ministries that tell people that if you become a Christian that God will heal your body and mind and you won't have health problems anymore, only make this problem worse, because they're not only teaching lies, they're telling people that it's all about them, and it's not. It's about Him. When we become saved, we don't suddenly embark on a life of recreation and ease; a life of just happiness; no, when we sign up to be a Christian, we are signing up to be soldiers in a war! The last time I checked, most soldiers in a war zone, wouldn't consider their lives as lives of recreation and ease!

This is also very true of many people who live with pain, like me, or people who deal with chronic depression. (which many people who live with pain battle with as well.) The temptation is to make your life all about you, and as believers, we can not do that! It must be about God and about others! As humans tainted with sin, it's practically beat into us by the world to focus on ourselves. You hear it all the time out in the world: "take care of yourself" "take care of #1" along with the nice sounding line that if you don't take care of yourself, that you can't help others. But with God it doesn't work that way. He never tells us to to take care of ourselves first. He says just the opposite. He says that we are to make Him number 1 in our lives and all others should be number 2, with ourselves coming in last. Often because we are so indoctrinated with the worldview that we should put ourselves first, we just don't stop to think about if that's scriptural or not.

I think that this was one of the biggest lessons I had to learn, as it's so much the opposite of what the world teaches, and it pervades everything! Think about it: the biggest thing that pervades worldly thinking has to do with what the world calls "self esteem". That's the basis of where they get that doctrine of "take care of yourself, put yourself first" etc. That core teaching is the core of just about everything else taught in this world and it grabs Christians too without them even knowing it's wrong. They even try to use the bible to teach it. How many people do you know that honestly think that the bible says, "God helps those that help themselves"? The vast majority of people think that's in the bible! But it's not! The bible teaches the opposite of that! God's Word says that we are not to rely on ourselves, but rather that we are to rely on Him!

 

 A Biblical View of Self-Esteem
An Explanation of Key Verses

Definitions from Webster's Unabridged Dictionary

 Self-Esteem: Undo PRIDE in oneself

Pride: Overhigh opinion of oneself; conceit

Humility: Absence of PRIDE or self-assertion 

 

The attached Bible verse explanations detail how God views us and how we should view ourselves. Taken in proper context, the attached Biblical references clearly indicate that there is no Biblical basis for self-esteem, self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence, self-forgiveness, self-assertion, "proper" self-image, self-actualization, or any of the other selfisms advocated by the worldly system of psychology. The Bible's answer for our emotional "problems": turn from self to Christ (and His all-sufficient Word).

 

 When you're up to it, have a look at that thread that these posts are in and check out the scriptures too. It's very eye opening!  Biblical Self-Esteem

 

This then was what the Lord began to teach me, drawing on my past experiences to show me His Truth in action and how it worked. I began to understand not only who I was, but who He was! I'd always thought I knew who He was and had often heard and said myself that "God is in control". Now I realized that I really hadn't believed it at all. I realized that much of what I thought I believed was only head knowledge and not heart knowledge. God is so good to us though because before I could let that start getting to me, He quickly showed me how to make it heart knowledge. I also realized that I was beginning to understand a lot more about sin as well. I mean, we all know about the 10 commandments, and I'd known of the sin of pride and a few of the other self sins as well, such as self righteousness etc. but now I was learning there were many other attitudes that were sinful and that I practiced all of them! Some of the self sins He showed me were: self sufficiencey, pride, being judgmental, self righteousness, self savior (this was a BIG one for me as I was always thinking that I could fix any problem all by myself and that no one could do it better then I could etc.); being self centered instead of God centered; self justification; being self reliant instead of relying on God; self indulgent; self serving; self seeking; ‎self-interest; and self realization which says: I have the right to claim to my life for myself (instead of knowing that my life belongs to God). I'm sure you can see how they all kind of go hand in hand and one often leads to another or morphs into another. Boy did I have a LOT to work on! Again though the Lord quickly reminded me that I was already forgiven and that this was just another step toward growing in Christ; we'd take it one day at a time.

Now, I'm condensing my learning experience for the sake of getting this all across without making it longer then necessary. The Lord didn't show me all of this on one day, or even one week. Especially not the sins. He only showed me one of those at a time and when I'd gotten that one under control, He'd show me another etc. And He always showed me how to deal with the particular sin He'd shown me too. I'm only listing some of them here for you to give you an idea of what He was showing me.

Remember though that He was showing me all of this for two purposes. First to teach me who I was in Him and second to teach me who He was and by doing that, show me that He would take care of my finances, my home, my car, my husband, my children, the cats, and of course of me. He was teaching me to truly know Him and as I began to know Him better, I began to trust Him more. The more I trusted Him, the less anxiety and fear I had. That's putting it all in a nutshell of course and there's much more to it. But I need to post this now before it really does become a book.

 

Part 2

 

I know I've talked about a lot of this in many of the other studies we've done here over the years so this is kind of showing how it all started; or how I first began to learn about these things. Like anything else we learn, the Lord would first show me the basics of that thing and then work with me on building my knowledge. When He thought I was ready, He would then help me take that head knowledge and turn it into heart knowledge. That's the hard part and I've found that often that's what His tests are all about. Head knowledge doesn't really help us that much, although it's a necessary first step. But when we take that knowledge and turn it into heart knowledge, then, then it makes a big difference in our lives.

Sometimes I don't like the word "test" to describe what the Lord does, but I can't think of anything else to use to explain it. It is very much like a test. The problem with that is that for many people the word "test" has some very negative connotations to them. What I want everyone to know is that the Lord doesn't test us because we've been "bad" or disobedient. When we're being disobedient and won't pay attention to His attempts to get us back where we belong, then He will discipline us, but that is entirely different from when He gives us these tests. Discipline is for when we misbehave or are disobedient. The tests are to increase our faith and as I said, to take our knowledge and turn it into heart knowledge so that it changes our lives and how we relate to this life, other people and even ourselves and of course with Him too.

So tests are not a bad thing; although we often perceive them as such. But then as I recall from when I was in school, I didn't much care for the tests then either lol So it's really no different.

How can you tell if you're being tested or being disciplined? Well, that's really pretty easy. If you're being disciplined, then you haven't been being obedient to God and we generally know when we haven't been. As for tests, I've noticed that with many of the tests I've been through, it's been very obvious, because the test will obviously involve material that I've just been studying with Him about. So, for example, when I was studying about how we're to trust God and rely on Him for everything and that fear and worry are sins; that He is our provider and will take care of us etc and suddenly the bottom falls out in our lives and Bruce is laid off work... Well it didn't take a genius to figure out that it was a test.

Or, when I was studying about love and forgiveness and our relationships with others and suddenly opportunities were present in my life where I needed to forgive; where I needed to love, to humble myself and put others wants and needs ahead of my own. Again, it didn't take much thought to realize that it was a test.

Sometimes God will also test us on things we've studied with Him in the past too, but I've noticed that He always does a quick review at least before He gives the test. And He gives all kinds of different tests, just like our teachers in school used to. It might be a quick pop quiz, or a regular scheduled test, or a dreaded semester exam. It all depends on what He knows you need to grow.

When we took tests in school, the teacher always graded us and we either passed, or failed, and if we passed, we either barely squeezed by, or did average or did really well and passed with flying colors. The bad part of our tests in school was that we often couldn't retake them if we didn't do well, so they affected our grade for the year. With the Lord though, that's not true. You WILL pass the test, no matter how many times He has to give it to you or how long it takes. It's pretty much up to you how long it takes because it's up to you how much you study and apply God's Word to your life. So if you're stuck in a test and you want out, the only way to do it is to study hard and apply what you learn.

How do I know that the Lord will get us through these tests and teach us? Because His Word says so.

Romans 14:4 (NIV) — 4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

If this is true, then why are there Christians who are still so worldly? It's hard to speak in generalities, but there are several possible reasons. First, they may not be saved; Second, if they are saved, then they have chosen to be disobedient and remain that way. While God will make His children stand firm, He only does that for those children who are willing to be obedient to Him. Those who choose disobedience are disciplined but if they continue to to disobey Him and ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit, eventually they will have hardened their hearts to the point where they won't be able to hear the Holy Spirit even if they suddenly decided they wanted to. God won't force us to obey Him or to do His Will even after we're saved. What He will do once we are saved, is constantly draw us toward a deeper relationship with Him and a deeper understanding of His Word and knowledge of His Will. It's till up to us however. Even after we're saved, we can turn away from Him. It will not affect our salvation, as we will still be saved, but it will affect whether or not He will be pleased with us or ashamed of us; it will affect our standing in eternity and what we will do during eternity in Heaven. He certainly is not going to have stubborn, spoiled children in charge of anything or doing anything with any importance at all! Some people don't care what they'll be doing in heaven and say it doesn't matter, but our Lord cares about what we'll be doing and has great and wondrous plans for our future there, and a great many gifts (rewards) for us too. If we refuse to listen to Him now and obey Him now though, we will lose all of that and more importantly, He will be ashamed of us, and we will be ashamed of ourselves.

1 John 2:28 (NIV) — 28 And now, dear children, continue in him, so that when he appears we may be confident and unashamed before him at his coming.

Hebrews 3:13 (NIV) — 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

2 Timothy 2:15 (NIV) — 15 Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

Thankfully, if we don't wait too long, we can always turn from being disobedient and decide to obey Him. The reason i say "if we don't wait too long" is because we don't know when our life will be over, we could die in the next moment; and we don't know when the rapture will happen--it could occur at any second; and lastly, we have no way of knowing just how far we've tried his patience and when we will have passed that point of no return. So it's obviously much better for us to be obedient right away and not take any chances. I guess you could look at it like the child who refuses to do any work of their school work. It's not because they're stupid or incapable of doing the work, they could do it, but they just don't want to and they're stubborn, so they don't. (one of my kids tried that!) The school and teachers try all they can to get this child to do what needs doing, but when everything's been tried and nothing else can be done, there comes a point where it's time to give up and leave the child to the consequences of their decision, hoping that eventually those consequences will teach them a lesson and they'll start to cooperate. That's pretty much what Paul is talking about when he says to turn that man over to Satan:

1 Corinthians 5:5 (NIV) — 5 hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.

And that's pretty much what happens with those who are saved but refuse to leave their worldly life behind and grow in Christ. 

 

Tips and Tricks to relieve/reduce pain

I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread like this where we can each share different things we've learned that help relieve or reduce our pain even a little. 

I've now tried all the different products during a flare up and the one that works the very best, that I now love and can't live without is:
 



These were MUCH easier to use then the OraMoist! Another difference is that you use two at a time of these instead of just one of the Oramoist; but these stick instantly and they stay stuck whereas the Oramoist didn't. Plus, the best part is that these work the way they say they will and you get almost a full four hours of a nice moist mouth! I was lucky if the other worked for an hour when my flare was at it's worst. Another big difference to me was that the oramoist didn't always totally dissolve and regardless of whether they did or not, they left you with a nasty gooey feeling in your mouth that you literally had to clean out with a cloth or tissue each time you used them as they left a residue in your mouth. (and that residue did not keep your mouth moist) With the Xylimelts however, they dissolve completely and leave your mouth feeling fresh and clean--no yucky residue!

I did have one funny thing happen to me with the Xylimelts last night though. I was having a dream that I was eating dinner and woke up and realized that I had started chewing on the xylimelts dislodging them from my cheeks LOL So, using my finger, I just stuck them back on my cheeks with no problem and went back to sleep laughing at myself. The only thing my chewing had caused was that my mouth was very moist and I had to swallow the extra saliva I'd worked up chewing them I thought about replacing them with new ones instead of putting those back in place, but it was so close to time to get up anyway, that I just went back to sleep. I figure this occurred when I'd had the xylimelts in my mouth for at least 3 hours already and only had about an hour to go on them anyway, which just served to prove again that they lasted as long as advertised. I hope all my experimenting helps someone else besides just me, but I'm sure glad to have finally found something that really helps! Oh, I wasn't able to find this locally so had to order it from Amazon, but it came within three days and wasn't expensive at all!


My biggest trick is still the soap I have to admit. I'm once again keeping a bar in my pants leg as the spasms have started up really bad in my leg again..only now instead of my calf, it's in my thigh. Soap will stop cramps, spasms, and pain!

 Heat helps a lot for osteo or Rheumatoid arthritis pain, and these are especially made for arthritis because they reflect your body heat back into itself and it says too that they kind of massage your hand or whatever area you're using it for. Now I'm always cold, so I wasn't sure it would work for me, but it does. Here's what I mean about those made for arthritis; they have them for knees, ankles, wrists, hands/fingers, elbows, and the lower back too.


 
The Anti-Arthritis Gloves are gloves designed for use by individuals with arthritis or other hand and wrist disabilities. The gloves are designed to help relieve pain while performing everyday tasks. There are lightweight half-finger gloves,and three quarter finger gloves.  They offer gentle controlled compression to ease pain and stiffness of arthritis and carpal tunnel syndrome and control swelling. The stretchable fabric creates therapeutic warmth that increases circulation to the wearers hands fingers and wrists.

 

The Most Comfortable Slipper You’ll Ever Own When your feet are in pain, your whole body hurts! With these fabulous miracle comfort slippers, your feet will be surrounded by unbelievable warmth and soothing magnetic therapy. Includes 4 built-in 800 gauss magnets, believed by many to improve circulation and soothe tired, aching feet. Complete with non skid rubberized panel for safety, as well as built-in ventilation panel to keep feet dry and healthy. Fashion import made of cushy acrylic, comes in men’s (navy) fitting up to men’s size 12 and ladies’ (pink) fitting up to a ladies’ size 9.

 Another little trick I found for my elbow pain due to RA that really helps, especially when I'm typing is to put a little pillow on the arm of my chair. I have a little cross stitch pillow that my daughter Jennifer made me when she was in high school. It says, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee." But it's the perfect size because it's 11 inches long, 8 inches wide, and not even an inch thick. Amazingly it actually stays on the chair arm without any problem too and gives my elbow just enough padding to that it's not killing me

One of the things I've found that helps me with lower back and leg pain is lumbar underwear.  Yeah, lol, I know it sounds funny LOL but they really do help. Don't get me wrong, they aren't a "tremendous" help by any means, but they do help a little and every little bit counts! Here's a picture of what I'm talking about:



Amazingly they're actually pretty comfortable! My workers comp insurance paid for them so I know if you have workers comp they will pay for them. You can get them in a number of places on line--just do a search for lumbar wear. 

 I've also done a number of "little things" to help keep the pain down, such as rearranging my cupboards and even my fridge so that the things I use the most are within easy reach and I don't have to bend to get them. Plus since I'm weakest in the mornings, my husband started a routine of making sure that the gallon of milk wasn't too heavy for me to pick up when I first wake up. At first we just used a small cream pitcher but that didn't hold enough if I wanted to have cereal in the morning as well as coffee lol so he started getting two gallons at a time. He used the first gallon till it was half empty and then left that one for just me and started using the second one. By the time "my" gallon is empty, "his" gallon is about half gone and it's ready for me, so then he goes and buys another gallon for him to start on. It's amazing how much little things like that help!

 I have a list of "things that help when I'm in pain" printed out and taped up where I can always see it. On it are listed these things:

My Pain Toolbox:

Pray, pray, pray!

Study the Bible!

light--turn on all the lights in the house and open all the shades! (it improves your mental/emotional outlook which will help you feel better physically as well)

Praise and worship music--turn it on and turn it up! (same as above)

sing along with the music

move around--(don't just stay in the same position if you're hurting badly, moving around a little can help relieve the pain, even if it's just going into a different room and sitting in a different chair for a few minutes or laying down for a few minutes etc.)

bounce on ball-- (I have a large 65cm exercise ball that my physical therapist asked me to get to help with my core strengthening exercises. I found that even just sitting on it and bouncing gently, improves my mood greatly because I generally start to giggle, LOL and again, if you improve your mental/emotional mood, the physical follows)

smile and laugh! read jokes, look at funny pictures, anything!

shower--(or soak in tub) sometimes a hot shower will help ease the pain

massage (massage from hubby or friend or a massage therapist--I got my workers comp insurance to agree to pay for me to have 2-3 massages a week during my really bad flare ups)

moist heat--you can get things that will do this and just put them in microwave, for me, my physical therapist does it for me

(for other people, ice packs help alot, so I'll add that here for you guys, but they don't help me...)

heating pad

core strengthening and stretching exercises

back brace, knee brace, arthritis gloves etc they all help some!

small footstool under my desk so I can put my feet up

cushion on arm of my chair to cushion my elbow (arthritis) you can see a pic of it here, it's really for use with a mouse but works great for my elbow lol

desk chair -- my desk chair is one of those ergonomical ones that really helps my back alot and is the most comfortable place I can sit in my house! Obviously everyone can't run right out and buy one, but we got mine at Walmart for a pretty cheap price, so if you keep looking, I'm sure you can find one too.

small round pillow in bed that goes between my knees--it helps tremendously, in fact, so much that I'm just shocked! It's the same length as a regular pillow but it's round and very squishy so it's very very comfy!

a blow up pillow for my back that my therapist gave me to use when sitting in a chair and it really helps a whole lot!!!! I can now sit in a regular living room chair or recliner, much longer!

Getting dressed every day. --The temptation for me is to not get dressed every day. Partly because it's such a chore and hassle and it hurts. But I force myself to do it anyway. I generally have to wait for several hours after I wake up, before I can move enough to do it, but then I do get dressed. The reason is simple: I've found that when I get dressed, I feel better about myself. I've found that even though I wear clothes that are comfy, that if I put on clean clothes, that look decent, even though they're comfy; brush my hair, etc. that I feel better about me in general. That in turns translates to feeling just that tiny bit better physically too. Originally when I first started having to force myself to get dressed, I told myself to do it for Bruce. I felt that he at least deserved to have a wife that looked half way decent when he got home from work. I still think that's true too, but over time realized that it was actually helping me both physically and mentally feel better.

Make an effort to socialize/fellowship with others every single day.-- Again, I realize how impossible that can be for many of us. For me, I mostly get this from being here on FH with you guys as I can't really get out much. But again, I've found that talking with others, be it in person or here on the board, helps me to feel better. I think it's because it takes my focus off of myself and puts it on other people, and that's what helps. It also keeps my brain working which is good for me too. Plus, we know that the Lord says that the more we focus on others and try to encourage them or help them, the better off we'll be ourselves, and I found that to be quite true. So the less I feel like talking, the harder I force myself to come and post anyway lol; and it always helps. I think another reason it helps too is because it helps distract me from the pain itself somewhat.

play computer games, read, or something like that to distract yourself from the pain



Next, on my computer desktop I have this written out on a note pad that says "Read when you're in pain"

The Lord has planted me where He wants me,
He has assigned me my portion and my cup. Blessed is the Lord who gives and takes away!
He is my God and in Him will I trust.

Remember: Hang in there, the pain WILL diminish and it WILL go away.... talk to the Lord and wait on Him. Find ways to distract yourself. You do NOT need more pills!!!!

WALK; take a shower; use the PATCHES; pray; praise the Lord with song! Take IBUPROFEN & FLEXERIL; use the heating pad!
hold belly button in!

BREATHING EXERCISES!

Idea: try drinking more WATER....

Remember that on your bad days, the pills really don't help anyway. But the day will pass and tomorrow will come.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 But He said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christs power may rest on me. That is why, for Christs sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, hardships, persecutions, difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I TOLD you the pills don't help!!!

But if you're going to take them, wait at least an hour and 15 mins in between doses. If 2nd dose doesn't work, wait till it's been at least 4 hours and 15 mins since 1st dose.

Anything not done from faith is sin.

He whispers in our ear, "I love you my child, and I am here with you, lean on me; together we can get through this."  Then He vows that although we may be in sorrow or pain now, that in the end our reward will bring us tremendous joy! Hang on to Him who loves you more than we could ever imagine. Let Him take your burden and carry it for now. Think instead of the day that really will come, probably sooner then we think, when we will stand in His presence and receive our rewards and be continually filled with His joy and love!



One last thing I did: When you live with pain pretty much all sensations associated with your body, are painful and I wanted to change that. I especially had a hard time making myself go to bed at night because I knew that I was going to wake up in tremendous pain, so I avoided it like the plague. (which of course didn't help) So what I've done is turned my bed into the most luxurious place in the world to be! I did it over time of course because it takes money and that's something most of us, including me, don't have much of. I found by accident a blanket that was so luxurious and soft, it just made you want to cuddle up into it. It's made of micro fleece. This material though is softer then cashmere and it's not expensive! So I got the blanket, then eventually got sheets and pillowcases made out of it, and then my favorite style of pj's made out of it! Now when it's bedtime, I look forward to it because I'm in luxury! You won't believe how soft it is, it's just incredible! I also got one of those heated mattress pads from ebay for a great price which is something I can't imagine living without now, especially since we live in New England. Last but not least, I finally found a pretty bedspread so it even looks pretty. So now bedtime is like going to an expensive spa!

Well that's pretty much what's in my toolbox besides my prescription pain meds. But I want to use those as little as possible. I look at all these things like saving pennies, because each of these things alone, may not do a whole lot. A penny by itself may not be worth much, but when they keep piling up, they can add up to quite a bit!

Edited to add: Here's another program that I use every day that's really helped me alot: Smart Diary Suite 4.5 Medical Edition
You can get the free version and if you keep an eye on giveaway of the day, they offer it once in awhile for free!

Soap will stop cramps, spasms, and pain!

 About 6 years ago I ran across something quite strange on line, that claimed that a bar of soap could stop cramps and spasms.  Since I had a private forum for people who live with pain and many of us suffered from cramps and spasms, we decided to try it and see if it really worked.  Over the years, I'd say well over 75 of us have tried it and it worked for all but one person.  Of course I don't know just how much of a chance they gave it, but even if it didn't work for one person, the fact that it's worked for all the rest of us is just amazing!  We also discovered that it worked for arthritis pain as well.  I was the first one to try it for that, mainly because I was just plain desperate.  I have both RA and OA as well as Sjögren's and was in tremendous pain and just couldn't take it anymore.  So I thought, why not try the soap...it certainly can't hurt!  And lo and behold, it worked!  I Used to take a LOT of flexeril, the max dose, and since I've been using the soap, I rarely take any at all, and when I have, it's just half the dose. All of us who are using the soap, now simply can't live without it and wouldn't want to! We've each introduced many other people to this marvel including members of our families and they all use the soap now.  I've even told my pain doctor and my primary doctor about it and they tell other patients!  At this point, I'd say there's well over several hundred folks that have tried the soap and had it work for them now.

Some of the diseases people use the soap for are Osteoarthritis, Rheumatoid arthritis, Sjögren's, Restless Leg Syndrome - RLS, Leg, foot, stomach Cramps, Muscle Spasms, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, stomach cramps when you've had diarrhea or the flu, menstrual cramps, just about any kind of cramp or spasm anywhere in your body regardless of what the cause is. The only kind it doesn't seem to work on is when the person is having them because they're deficient in something like potassium or something like that. We've even had people use the soap to stop pain from a car accident and it worked for that as well!.

If there was just some way I could get this info into the hands of everyone that has restless leg syndrome, or leg or foot cramps, or muscle spasms, and convince them to just try it, I'd feel like I'd done something really worthwhile with my life!!!! This really works! I don't know why, I don't know how, but it does! The members of my site and I have been using this soap remedy since October of 2007 and we just love it.

You may have to try more then one brand of soap, but it will work. Here's a little bit of what I originally found on line so many years ago:. 
 
I just LOVE being able to do away with the muscle spasms just by having a bar of soap in my bed, or here in the chair with me, instead of having to take the really strong muscle relaxers! My doc has me on the strongest possible dose of muscle relaxers, 20mgs of Flexeril. Of course it has quite a few lovely side effects, even though I've been taking it for 9 years.
Soap Under the Sheets for RLS, Leg, foot, stomach Cramps, Muscle Spasms, Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, etc.

Q. Several months ago I went to my neurologist for my yearly physical and told him about a problem I had with my legs "jumping" at night and waking me up. He gave me the technical name for it and wrote me a prescription for Mirapex. I then told him I had read in your column about putting a bar of soap in the bed, so he told me to try the soap and fill the prescription if it didn't work. I still have the unfilled prescription sitting on my bathroom vanity. When we went on a trip to Yellowstone, I took my soap along and slept fine every night we were gone. A. This home remedy mystifies us, but we have heard from many readers like you. The risk of unwrapping a fresh bar of soap and putting it under the bottom sheet where the legs will be is almost zero. The cost is far less than a prescription. Positive responses from other readers experimenting with Ivory soap remedy:...... http://www.peoplespharmacy.com/archi...leg_cramps.php
Reader Comments I read about this home remedy in the newspaper. I have indeed suffered from RLS basically all of my life, and I am over 50! My mother always told me I had "growing pains" -- HA! When I read this, I thought it was the silliest thing I had ever heard of. I truly believe in home remedies, but just sleeping with a bar of soap?!?! Well, let me assure any and everyone! It WORKS. I have now had 5 nights of sleep - in my own bed - no walking around, no moving from one place to another just to find comfort -just pure wonderful sleep. TRY IT!!!
I saw an article in our local newspaper about 6 months ago about putting soap under the sheets for RLS and tried it immediately. Since that time I have not had a single leg cramp. I use Caress.

What a wonderful, really inexpensive treatment that stops RLS.
I have suffered from severe leg cramps for years. I read about the Ivory soap, tried it and I have not had a leg cramp since.

I have severe Periodic Limb Movement Disorder (PLMD). Have used Sinemet and Mirapex over the last 8 years, but stopped each due to side effects. Currently unmedicated and miserable with the leg movements at night, waiting on test results and the docs to decide next line of defense. Someone mentioned the Ivory soap. Well, I tried it in a wrap around my ankles and under my feet in a double socks, but what seems the best is I have four bars across my lower bed so that no matter where I move my feet, one is near. If a movement wakes me, I move my foot to touch the soap, and fall right back asleep. Hasn't been a cure, but certainly has made it more tolerable and less sleep robbing. Can't begin to understand it. The most logical theory I've read is one wondering if the leg movements are like electrical currents, maybe the composition/density of the soap absorbs the brunt of the charge. (Like rubber and lightning.) Would love to understand why, but just having a degree of relief is good enough for me.

I have tried several kinds of bar soap for leg cramps. First being Ivory. I learned that I need to change the soap about every 3-4 months. I buy them at the 99 cent store. 3 bars for for 99 cents is the best investment for a good nights sleep. It took 3 nights before it worked, but that was 2 years ago and no leg cramps for me now. I use the cheap nylon anklets or cut the foot off old panty hose to slip the soap into that seems to help keep it in place. I use two bars under the bottom sheet, one on each side near my feet.
for more comments go here: http://www.peoplespharmacy.org/archi...leg_cramps.asp

Give it a try! I would recommend a few things though that I've gathered in researching this:
 
1. Always start with a fresh bar of soap. Don't use one that's been opened before. Keep in mind that although it usually works immediately for most people, some have had to wait up to 3 days before it started working.  Yes, take the bar out of the box and unwrap it.  You can stick it in a sock or pair of knee high panty hose, or whatever, or just toss it on the bed as is.
 
2. If one brand doesn't work for you, don't discount the idea, try another brand. Remember, it's still not costing you anything as you can use the soap in the bath if it doesn't work in bed
 
3. I've heard that neither Dial nor Dove work for most people, but some of the women in my group use Dial and I use Dove!.  Some people swear by Ivory, but a few said it didn't work for them. I don't recall hearing about any other specific brands not working...but that could be my memory too. (Note: I use Dove under my sheets now and it works great for me! I use the rose scented kind cause I like the smell and it helps relax me)
 
4. Speaking of the smell, the first bar I tried that worked was Irish Spring. While the scent is nice, it just wasn't something I wanted to go to bed and smell all night, so I specifically looked for one that had a scent that was both pleasing and relaxing to me. That's how I wound up with the Rose scented Dove. BUT, I discovered from another person that tried the soap that for people who have asthma or COPD etc, that the scented soaps may make your breathing more difficult. AT least if you have the type of asthma that can be brought on by scents. Therefore, if you have asthma, you should probably start with a soap that's "unscented". Keep in mind though that some soaps that are "unscented" still have a "soap" smell and you don't really want that either. You want one that's really unscented. Unfortunately I forgot to ask them which brand they're using now, so I can't give you any tips on that.
 
5. realize that you're going to have to replace the bar of soap in about 3 to 6 months. (that's a very approximate time) For some reason it will stop working at some point during that time, but all you have to do is grab another bar of soap and replace the one in your bed with the new bar.
 
6. Another thing I've learned about it over the last year of so, is that "how much" soap you'll need to use, depends on how many things are wrong with you, and on if you sleep with someone else and if they also have problems with spasms, or cramps.

I still have no idea what it is in the soap that stops them, but for the purpose of trying to explain this, let's call that ingredient X. For example: I have RLS which means I get spasms in my legs all the time. Some nights they're mild, some nights they're "medium" and other nights it's just horrid. I also have problems with my back which causes me to have muscle spasms in my back too. OK, what I found is that ONE bar of soap at my feet worked just great for my legs, and no matter how bad the spasms were, it would stop them, IF I wasn't having back spasms. BUT if I was having back spasms, then it wouldn't work for my legs very well either. It seemed like it made the spasms in my legs a little better and even my back spasms a little better, but didn't take them away. Out of frustration one night, I got up and grabbed a second bar of soap. Immediately ALL my spasms stopped! I did some experimenting after that and have determined that the amount of the "ingredient X" you need from the soap, goes up in direct proportion to how bad your spasms are and in how many places in your body they are; and that if someone else is in bed with you, (including pets) and they have spasms, then they are also using up some of your "ingredient X". I also have RA and when that flares up on top of everything else, I wind up with a bunch of soap around me lol, but it works, which is what counts!

It's very interesting to "play with it" to find out just how much you need etc. But the reason I'm trying to explain this is to let you know, that if one bar of soap isn't taking your spasms or pain away 100%, then just grab a second bar! Another thing that also seems to make a difference is where you put the soap. I've found that the soap at the bottom of my feet, doesn't work as well for my back spasm, so since I have the spasms in both places pretty constantly, I now sleep with one bar at my feet and one bar by my back and that does the trick quite nicely.

So if you have spasms in more then one place in your body, or you spouse has them too, you may have to play with the number of bars in the bed and with the placement of the bars too to find what works best for you. For me, I have to have the soap touching me-or to be more exact, the sock or fabric bag that it's in has to be touching me. 

I would just hate to have someone just give up thinking it didn't work for them, when all they needed to do was either add another bar or move the soap into a different position.  On a lighter note, one friend tried this and it worked for her problems as well.  Her husband has RLS too but didn't believe the soap would work and didn't want anything to do with it. Well he'd wake her up when it got bad and she got tired of it, so when he'd be asleep, she'd slide another bar of soap over to his side of the bed by his feet, which of course stopped the spasms right away, LOL.  Since he's was asleep though, he wasn't aware of it, and still doesn't believe the soap works. RFLOL
 
7. You can have the soap in your bed just as it is, or you can stick each bar of soap you use into a sock or a small cloth bag. I have mine in cloth bags because it makes it easier for me to find them when I climb into bed. I just feel around at the bottom of my bed with my feet till I feel the bag, and then just grab it and pull it up some so my feet are touching it. Then I grab my other bag and stick it near my back.
 
8. One last thing I'd like to mention is this; if you have spasms during the day you can still use your soap. Since I have the spasms during the day too, I can always just grab one of my bags and stick it in the chair with me and that takes care of the back spasms, or stick it on the floor by my feet and that takes care of feet and leg spasms. Another member told me that she either uses the small hotel sized bars or cuts a bar in half and puts one on each side of her leg inside his socks during the day. That way it controls the spasms even when she has to walk. Other members just stick the soap in the pocket of their slacks. If you use your imagination, you can pretty much use the soap anywhere you are and anywhere you go. It's really great not to have to rely on a medication that has side effects anymore! 

I can remember before I tried the soap for the RA pain, sitting up at my desk one night, crying because I was so afraid of going to bed. I knew that as soon as I fell asleep, the pain would come back with a vengeance, and I'd do anything to not go through that again. I've learned tricks to prevent it from getting bad during the day, but I can't do those things when I'm asleep. Then I thought of the soap...I didn't have anything to lose, so gave it a try and it worked!

In order to prevent the pain at this point, I'm now up to 6 bars of soap on my legs and one or two at the bottom near my feet every night when I go to bed.

I was thinking about that as I was getting ready for bed last night and how hilarious it would look if anyone could see me. I don't know if I can explain it well enough for you to picture it, but this is my routine when both of my knees and both hip joints are hurting from the RA/Sjögren's. I have 4 bars of soap that are each in a knee high panty hose. They're nicely wrapped inside the knee highs so that it's nice a smooth.

I have 4 bars of soap, each wrapped like the one you see in the middle, which is just a single knee high panty hose, and 4 inside 4 different stretched out knee high socks. ( have "extras" for when other joints are hurting at the same time)

 I took another pair of panty hose and cut the toes off of them because I can't have anything touching my toes especially if it's tight and I cut them off at the top of the thigh too, so they look kind of like leg warmers I guess. I slip one of those on each leg and then put one bar of soap inside the left one just above my knee and the next one goes about 3 inches higher. Since they're inside the panty hose I cut off, the panty hose holds them in place all night and the two bars - one just above my knee and the other about half way between my knee and the hip joint, stop any pain in those two areas. That just leaves the hip joint and that's where the soap in the long knee high socks comes in.

Remember how I explained where the hip joint is? For anyone who didn't see that: If you put the palm of your hand on your knee and then move it up your leg until you come to where the line of your underwear would be around your leg, that's where your hip joint is. Here, I made a graphic to show everyone:

I take the long knee highs that have the soap in them and I wrap it around my leg at the hip joint so that the soap is laying directly on top of it, and tie it in place. So now I have 3 bars of soap firmly affixed to each leg so that they can't move or come off even if I roll over during the night. Then of course there's at least one down at the bottom of the bed to help prevent any restless leg syndrome from bugging me. Sometimes there's two because they have to pull double duty there when my toes are giving me problems with a lot of pain. (who would have ever thought that a toe could ever cause such severe pain???)

Anyway, when that happens, I wear loose footies to bed and put a bar of soap in the bottom of them so it's right under my toes. So, depending on where the pain is, or the spasms are, that's where I put the soap. When it's my stomach, I just stick the bar next to my stomach and my underwear holds in in place. Necessity is the mother of invention, and if you use your imagination a little, you can come up with all kinds of ways to get the soap to stay where you need it.


Believe me, I would absolutely panic if I didn't have my soap!

The Challenge Of Living With Chronic Pain

My local newspaper interviewed me about what it's like to live with pain.  This article came out on August 6th, 2008:  It was a huge feature article taking up one whole page! I thought they did a really good job altogether. The editor did make a few mistakes, but we'll have to live with them lol So without further ado, here it is!

Here's the first mistake: next to the photo above it says:
"Cindy sits at her computer, reading posts in http://www.fresh-hope.com, the private pain forum she started online. The forum allows people with chronic pain to speak with others about what they are all going through."
Obviously FH is not just for people who live with pain, only one of the forums is for that.

 The Challenge Of Living With Chronic Pain
New Ipswich woman says internet has become a lifeline for those who are suffering

By Sam Bonacci
Monadnock Ledger-Transcript Staff

Cindy has been living with chronic back pain for 8 years. The 52 year old New Ipswich resident found herself with the never ending pain after an on the job injury damaged disks in her back. Cindy has gone through more medicines than she can recall, numerous surgeries, and much physical therapy. But nothing has taken away the pain.

"It never occurred to me that I wouldn't be fixed", she says.

Cindy has fought for years to find a way to get rid of the pain, until it was made clear by a doctor that this was her new life.

"I'll never forget him saying, "you're done, you'll never work again the rest of your life" The words literally rang in my head and I didn't hear anything else he said."

Cindy has learned to live with the pain that has changed her life. Unable to work, a good day has become one with less pain, not none. The act of getting up in the morning and getting dressed takes determination.

"A good day is one where I only have to use my morphine a few times," says Cindy.

Chronic pain can be very difficult to understand. It differs greatly from the acute pain of an injury such as a broken bone, and can linger for years, even for the rest of a person's life. It's called chronic pain for a reason," says Dr PK Suchdev, the president of Pain Solutions, a practice that deals specifically with treating pain and has an office at the Monadnock Community Hospital. We look at it in many ways like you would look at diabetes and blood pressure...we can control it, but sometimes eliminating it may be an unrealistic expectation."

Chronic pain is defined as any pain lasting more than 3 months. Chronic pain will be experienced by 50% of Americans in the lifetime, he said. People that suffer from chronic pain should not feel they are alone", says Suchdev.

Cindy's pain starts even before she wakes up in the morning. Getting out of bed can be a trying experience that takes her hours.
(another mistake--it doesn't actually take hours lol it just seems like it!)
She cannot work and is limited in the amount of time she can spend away from her home. Everything she does in a day is a matter of gauging how much pain it will cause, and how that will affect the rest of her day and the next. Being at home with chronic pain is nothing like when a healthy person stays home when they are sick.

"My life revolves around pain," says Cindy, adding that just getting dressed is a chore. "The rest of my day is planned around my pain".

It is not just her daily life that the pain affects. Cindy has never been healthy enough to play with any of her grandchildren. They have always had to grow up being told to be careful around her.

(note by me: another mistake: that's not true. I DO play with them, but it's quiet play not running or jumping, somersaults, or rough housing or anything active at all.)

Chronic pain can be caused by a number of things, says Suchdev. It varies from instances where the body is giving misinformation such as phantom limbs in amputees, or where a physical injury such as multiple back injuries, scars, or surgeries, continues to cause pain. Chronic pain can also be related to injuries severe enough that they are not treatable", says Suchdev.

Cindy has gone through a number of treatments, but none of them fully relieved the pain. Even the narcotics she is on now merely dull the pain.

"They relieve the pain to the point where you can deal with it", she says. There are numerous ways that chronic pain can be treated, says Suchdev. Painkillers can be injected. Surgery can be done to burn the lesion specific nerves that provide the pain. Doctors can also implant various devices that can be used to inject relief into the source of the pain. The simplest example would be to place a steroid medication into areas of the spine to reduce swelling," says Suchdev. "Pain is very complex and that is why it has to be treated in a very complex and multidisciplinary manner."

Pain does not only affect the body, but also the mind, he says. There can be problems with family and friends, and there are instances of depression in chronic pain patients.

 caption under second photo reads:
Cindy sits in her kitchen in the house in which she spends most of her days. Although she has put on a smile, she says people living with pain must make a conscious decision to continue smiling and not be gloomy all the time.

Cindy said that although it can be difficult to be happy, it is necessary. "People expect us to be gloomy", she says. "you can afford to be gloomy and down in the dumps for a week , and let people know you don't feel good. But when you are like this for years, that's a choice you have to make. You have to choose what kind of face you are going to put on it. Those of us who learn to live with it, successfully anyway, choose to smile and it actually helps us too, because you feel better when you smile".

The pain and the new lifestyle can create a rift between people with chronic pain and those they used to spend time with. Eventually, people start to come around less often and friends lose touch, says Cindy. "I don't blame them because they're busy just like I used to be," she says.

There's also a stigma that comes along with chronic pain, she says. Some people think that people with pain are drug addicts or may be faking it. People with chronic pain often do not look sick, Cindy says. Someone she knows has even been accosted for using a handicapped parking permits, while others have heard comments while they walk by holding their cane. They may not need it when they walk into a store, said Cindy, but after walking around they will be hurting and relying heavily upon the cane as they come out.

"We want understanding, not pity," says Cindy. "We try not to let it show. We don't want to be different".

Cindy has found solace in an online forum she started at http://www.fresh-hope.com. Through this private forum, she and other people suffering through pain can speak openly about their lives. Cindy says many forum members reveal sides of their life that they may not show even their closest loved ones.
 
"The internet has become a lifeline for lots of us because we are stuck at home, " she says. "The people on fresh-hope are like family to me".

Chronic pain is not just a concern of the patients and their families and friends. The cost of treating chronic pain, says Suchdev is more then the cost of treating AIDS, cancer and heart disease combined. "It's an incredibly expensive and large epidemic in the country, so there's a lot of research being devoted to the treatment of chronic pain,"he says. "Ten or 15 years ago I could have only imagined some of the treatments we have now." The latest research is exploring the connection with phantom limb syndrome.

But Cindy has stopped looking for the next new treatment, although she continues trying different medications and will be returning to physical therapy. She will continue dealing with her pain as she has for the last 8 years, through the support of her family and friends both online and in person. She will carry on with her routine, taking the bad and continuing to live for the good.

"Finally your body will give you a break, only if it's just for an hour. You learn to kind of live for that hour's relief" says Cindy. It's strange. It's a very different way of life.

Do you know someone who lives with chronic pain or illness?

Do you know someone who lives with chronic pain or illness?

 I recently read a really great book called "She'll never make it through the night - an extraordinary story of faith, hope, and the power of prayer", By D Hedegard. Inside it says:

Even at times when the Holy Ghost is moving and miracles are happening, godly men are not immune from sickness. We serve a God who heals. But we also serve a God who—as Elisha experienced, as Hezekiah experienced, as Paul makes reference to—sometimes uses sickness for his glory.

This book was both heartbreaking and heartwarming and most surely an inspiration and challenge to all who read it. I heartily recommend it. But now I'm reading another very good, challenging and inspirational book called, "Wednesdays were pretty normal: A boy, cancer, and god." By M. Kelley, which I'd also recommend.

But they're not really what this post is all about. They just gave me the idea. Both authors show how their lives change and as I was just reading about how people you're close to seem to drift away after awhile, I realized that I wanted to talk to you guys about that. All of the members here in the pain forum have experienced that very same thing when they became sick or disabled. People they were close to for years either slowly or suddenly, just stopped calling or coming by, and no longer responded to messages. I experienced it as well.

Usually when we go through that, we're pretty new to the whole disabled; pain; illness thing ourselves and don't know what to expect or what's going to happen to us. No one warns us that our friends won't be our friends for long, so we have that hurt to bear on top of our pain and illness. The stories I've heard about this are heartbreaking to say the least.

As this author and others point out though, it's not necessarily the "friends" fault. Most folks simply don't know how to deal with or relate to people who are in constant pain, ill, and disabled. Especially not when that person is someone they knew as an active, healthy, go getter. And believe it or not, statistics show that most of us who are now disabled were very active people before the accident and/or disease put a stop to it.

As I'm sure you're aware, we have a private forum here for those who live with pain. It's our hideaway, where we can talk without having to be concerned about whether or not others will understand, or whether or not what we say will frighten someone or make them uncomfortable. Out here, on the main board, we may say something like, we have a doctors appointment, or a check up etc. In there though we can talk about the appointment - why we're going, how bad the pain is now, our fears, our hopes, whether the doctor is good or not, what we like and what we don't.

I've always felt torn about it being a private forum though. We need the privacy in some ways, but in other ways, we need it to be out in the open, because more then anything else, we need other people, people who still have what we call, "normal" lives, to understand us. But when we do talk about it a little out in the open, we can tell that many people are just plain uncomfortable with it. We don't blame them for that. We were the same way ourselves once. After all, what do you say to someone that's in constant pain every single day???? How do you deal with it?

So tonight I thought, well, why not try and explain to other people what we'd like them to understand? That it's OK to be uncomfortable, but don't try to hide it - say so! Tell us you don't know what to say, because that way we can reply and share our hearts with you.

There are many very good articles written by people like me who live with pain about what life is like for us. If you know anyone online who lives with chronic pain or illness, then you most likely have heard an expression about "the spoon theory" or "spoonies". It's a way a lady made up to explain to a friend what her life was like now, and it resonates with all of us.

To put it simply, she explained that it's as though every person with chronic pain or illness is given 5 spoons at the start of each new day, and they must get through the entire day using only those spoons because they can't get anymore. Everything we do though can cost us a spoon. It depends on how our body is reacting that day, and how well we slept that night. So, on a good day, if we get out of bed and get dressed, that costs us 1 spoon, so now we only have 4 left for the entire day. But, on a bad day, just getting out of bed may use up one of our spoons, and getting dressed a second one, leaving us with only 3 left for the rest of the day. And so it goes through the whole day for us. What we used to do without even thinking about it, we now have to think about and decide if it's worth doing or not and if it is, then how many spoons will we lose doing it? If you've never read it, I really hope you will because it will really help you understand what people like us deal with on a day to day basis.

You can read the story here in English and they also have it translated into Spanish, French and Hebrew. The link for those is at the end.
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wp...-spoon-theory/

Another good article is called Understanding Chronic Pain
An open letter to anyone who has a chronic pain patient in his or her life. and can be read here:
http://www.healthcentral.com/chronic...-287065-5.html

Finally, there's one that many have already read here:
The Challenge Of Living With Chronic Pain

Please know though that the most important thing to us is that you understand that we're not looking for sympathy or pity. What we want more then anything in the world, is simply that you understand us, and the only way that can happen is if you're willing to talk about it with us Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first. Believe it or not, it's uncomfortable for us too. We don't want to scare you or upset you so we're unsure of just how much to say, what parts we should talk about and what parts we shouldn't, etc. So you see, we have fears too.

Mostly, we just want you to love us and accept us just the way we are, for who we are now. This whole dialog thing may scare some of us even more then it scares you. That's why the author of the book I told you about said it wasn't always totally the other persons fault when they stopped calling. Sometimes we're the ones to clam up. If we do, just reassure us that it's ok, you're still going to love us. Don't worry if we cry. Just hand us a tissue or three or four .

Most of us with chronic conditions, spend our time around other people both online and in "real life", trying to pretend to the best of our ability, without actually lying, that we're normal and have normal daily lives. That's why we have the private forum here on FH, so that the masks can come off and we can be real for a little while. We don't want to be different. So for us, we're learning to accept our lives the way they are and deal with things the way they are now.

Often, one of the hardest lessons for us to learn, is to accept help from others and even harder is to actually ask for that help. Most of us are used to being the ones that helped others and we don't like being on the other end of the stick. Even after almost 14 years, this is still very hard for me.

Even if you don't know anyone that's living with chronic pain or illness, I still hope you'll read those articles, because sooner or later you'll meet someone like that and then at least you'll be a bit ahead of the game.

If you do know someone who deals with chronic pain or illness, then please, tell them you want to understand what they're dealing with every day. Tell them you're aware that it might be awkward at first for both of you, but that the Lord told us to bear each others burdens and you can't do that if you don't know what the burden really is. Make a deal with them that when the conversation starts to get to heavy, or overwhelm either of you, that you both will agree to simply say so and end the talk until the next time you're together. And be sure to set a date when you can be together again soon!

Don't be afraid to tell us if we start to get to technical too. Because of our condition, many of us have done a great deal of research and learned all we can about our condition, so we can get carried away and forget that you may not be familiar with a lot of the terms that are now second nature to us. And don't feel badly for not knowing those terms, because we didn't know them either until we had to learn them out of self defense.

Promise each other that you'll both be honest about your feelings each day and that you won't try to hide the truth from each other or even yourselves. Hold each other accountable, pray with each other and always invite the Lord into your conversations. I know that helping each other and protecting your friendship this way will please the Lord too, for He tells us that what we do for each other, we do for Him as well.

I can promise you one other thing as well. The awkwardness you may feel at first when you begin discussing this with each other, will quickly pass. Not only will it pass, but no matter how close you were before, you will find you're even closer to each other now. Finally, please realize that this "conversation" won't continue forever. Once you have a good understanding of what your friend is really going through every day, then it won't be needed anymore. At that point you'll find that you both now have a real friend that you can talk to about absolutely anything. One you can laugh with and cry with, without being uncomfortable.

May God bless those who are willing to stretch themselves beyond their comfort zone for the sake of a friend in pain.

PS: There is something you could easily do to help many of us when you post on line. Many of us also have trouble with our eye sight. So it helps a great deal when people make their posts bold. We can make the text larger on our computers ourselves (those of us who have figured out how to do that) but we can't make it darker. So if you're interested in helping us out, that would be one quick and easy way you could do so.